My passion for art and indeed for living had been extinguished; I simply did not want to exist in a world where all I felt was constant soul crushing pain and sickness. So I decided to run away from myself to no mans land – away from the things I love because they only served as a painful reminder of what I could no longer do.
Recently I felt a change; Im not sure what that change is but something is different; it’s like the colour has started to return to my life again and Im slowly re-learning to appreciate the finer things again.
I’m still as sick as ever, but Im now beginning to accept that fact and made a kind of peace with it. For the first time Ive realised I need to stop fixtating on what I can no longer do and start living and concentrate on the things I can still do.
The one thing Ive missed is being able to create and make art, it has been a huge part of my life thusfar and Ive now realised I can no longer deny its existance.
With my new found outlook I decided it was time to see if I could rediscover my lost muse; the main reason I stopped creating in the first place was because I felt that nothing inspired my any more, I was unable to create.
I decided to start a new blog for this quest rather than going back to my old blog because that felt like it was a step backwards rather than forwards. I dont want to look back anymore; I want to look into the now and tomorrow.
This blog will serve as my online visual journal, chronicling my journey and mumblings as I try to rediscover my lost muse and bring some colour back into my life.